You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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