We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
