im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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