There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
