Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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