my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
one might say we're banned from that church
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize