I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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