I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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