Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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