We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
