i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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