I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
