I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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