Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
