things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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