I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
