You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize