bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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