I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
