when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The ass gains better be worth it
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