All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
