I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
