tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Two words: nipple clamps
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