it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
