You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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