so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
