they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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