Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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