in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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