You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
