And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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