i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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