We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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