i think my tv is drunk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
