let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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