kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize