got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
