In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm too high and old for this...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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