the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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