I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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