I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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