I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
