after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
