i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
