Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize