there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
