It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
