I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
