If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize