New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
