it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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