That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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