If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
