i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
