You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
