Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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