Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
