Cold hands, warm shart.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was like having sex with a tree stump
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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