using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
