I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just googled if crying burns calories
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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