so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
