All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
