remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
they're like a gay fantastic four
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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