is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
